Phrases to Use

· "For the children's sake ..."

· "I want to maintain constructive communications with my husband/wife..."

· "The children need the ongoing presence of (the other parent) ..."

· "I wish to communicate/work with (the abuser) on our issues"

· "I wish to understand our relationship, help both sides achieve closure and get on with their lives/my life"

· "Healing process"

Things to Do

· Attend every session diligently. Never be late. Try not to cancel or reschedule meetings.

· Pay attention to your attire and makeup. Project a solid, conservative image. Do not make a disheveled and disjointed appearance.

· Never argue with the counselor or the evaluator or criticize them openly. If you have to disagree with him or her - do so elliptically and dispassionately.

· Agree to participate in a long-term treatment plan.

· Communicate with your abuser politely and reasonably. Do not let yourself get provoked! Do not throw temper tantrums or threaten anyone, not even indirectly! Restrain your hostility. Talk calmly and articulately. Count to ten or take a break, if you must.

· Repeatedly emphasize that the welfare and well-being of your children is uppermost in your mind - over and above any other (selfish) desire or consideration.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

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